Okay, enough mucking about. I realised this morning that I have been on a diet for 33 of my 44 years here on this earth. I have lost the same weight time and time again.
I first went to WW at age 11 and lost 28lbs . You would think that I would have learned my lesson in humiliation and kept to a "normal" weight for my age, but no.
I was thinking, as I am wont to do every so often, that if you have to be addicted to something then food is THE worst thing. If you have a problem with alcohol, tobacco, weed, heroin or even sex then you can get clean, sober or whatever and never have those things in your life again. Not so with food. Everyone has to eat, to survive, to live so banishment is not an option. Unless you want to live on Ensure or Boost and never buy solid food again. ( hey,thats a thought!) but I don't think the family would like that idea.
Yesterday I weighed 292.6lbs, a gain of 1.4lbs this week. See I knew it couldn't last. One week I did it for, one lousy stinking week! This is normally where I would give up and drown myself in Cadbury's and Ben and Jerry's but not this time ( cue piano music and drums rising to a rousing crescendo, crashing waves etc etc) I am going to follow my never fail diet plan, that obviously does fail if not followed.
I have the books, I have the knowledge and I can rebuild my shattered self-esteem in time for.....whenever. There is no time scale, no event or appointment that I have to get thin for, I know, I lead a very sheltered life!
I think that is all for today but I had to get my thoughts down on the blog while they were still fresh in my mind and in black and white for all to see. Amazing what goes through one's head at 2 in the morning whilst feeding the baby!
Stay tuned for more rambled musings soon...
Don't give up! You can do this! We all fail at something every once in a while and you have not failed! My prayers and thoughts are with you as I walk this journey along side you. You are not alone! Love and prayers, Kelly
ReplyDeleteDear Knottydoll... I hear you laoud and clear! sounds like my exact thoughts daily. and, not to mention, i own a bakery! so hard to not think of food all day long, even when i am not thinking of food, it calls to me.. I am praying for the both of us Rachel ~ may we succeed, and be able to help others to also succeed!
ReplyDeleteTerrie Admiraal...
Hi Rachel
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you would find this helpful but I will share what I did to make a start. I joined WW and made a three month committment not to cheat. I had no expectations at all when I started but decided to COMMIT to following "the program" for three months and then if it wasn't working I would just quit. That gave me an "out" in my mind and an achievable period of time to tackle. I'm not saying you need to join WW I'm just saying give a committment and put a short (few months) time period on it because then it doesn't overwhelm you. Well the first week I gained weight and was discouraged but decided to continue to honour my committment. At the end of the three months I was down 15lbs which was barely noticeable on me but it represented "results" from my hard work at sticking to the program. I was feeling even more inspired now so I decided to give it another three months...two years later I was down 75lbs. I never placed a goal on myself (until the end when WW wanted me to pick a weight for my Lifetime status)and just kept committing to chunks of time. After seeing success in my first "chunk of time" committment it was much easier to continue and so on and so on. I too am addicted to food but the hold it has on me is less intense than it was before and I am still on the journey...Hugs to you and please remember me in your prayers as I will also remember you. This is a mutual struggle and more prayer the better and I am looking forward to seeing what God can do with the both of us! Cara